Newsflash! Cat cures her writer’s block by reading sexist email “joke”

i have some mixed feelings about this since i have most of these qualities myself… read on for my rebuttals. And yes there is always a good side to bad things. It sparked my creativity Why Men Are Just Happier People– > Your last name stays put. (proud to be MS. and i make sure the men get it right. ma’am gets the stink eye out of me and maybe an accidental tripping as they walk past me. bwaaaa) The garage is all yours.(the garage WAS all mine till i showed my son how to fix things) Wedding plans take care of themselves. (no comment) Chocolate is just another snack, (it ISN”T a snack???) You can never be pregnant, (which is a good thing because the population would be extinct) Car mechanics tell you the truth. (they get warnded/threatened in advance that i will beat the -insert potty mouth here- out of them if they try to fool me and i only take the risk of having a “mechanic” touch my truck if i can’t do it at home like computerized stuff – translation: i haven’t had to beat up TOO many mechanics) The world is your urinal. (the world was my urinal after a late night out dancing with other young female friends. we pulled behind a dumpster in a quiet industrial area and all pulled up our skirts to piss a river on our pretty high heels. lights, camera, action…..cops pull up and catch us all literally with our pants down in the “beaver in the headlights” position. You never have to drive (i never have to drive under 110mph unless there’s too much traffic) to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. (does anybody besides hookers and junkies go in those nasty places anyway? this was why we went behind a clean dumpster). You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. (what the hell is that supposed to mean? do they turn the opposite direction for ladies?) Wrinkles add character(outdated material here folks) People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. (i purposely stare at the crotch on the smart mouth/rude ones until they get jock itch and burst into flames) New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. (my slippers NEVER mangle my feet. but they smell really bad) One mood all the time. (because they can’t multitask) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.(because after that the hormones kick in and they wonder if they can get you in bed and know that your intuition just told you what they’re thinking causing immediate flustering and hang-up ) You know stuff about tanks and engines. (really. it’s been my experience mostly that i have to tell the ASE certified mechanic what’s wrong with it, what the part looks like, and how do fix it. on the rare occasion that i can’t do it myself due to lack of billion dollar computer engine fixing machines. A ten-day vacation requires only one suitcase. (if i have ten whole days off work i’m not leaving my house) You can open all your own jars. (BFD, only if you’re a petite woman. i can nearly palm a basketball) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. (just like small children. they need constant coddling and spoon feeding. some may even require burping) Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. (actually the 99c store has them for 99c but they come in one size. 20 sizes too big for me. but this still counts for a small percentage of females and therefore blows that theory out of the potty) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. (if you work all the time you only need 3 because you’re too tired to go anywhere after) You never have strap problems in public. (i’ve seen many men who should. can we say man-boobs. or for you more hip techie people….Moobs) You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. (is there a difference in not seeing them and ignoring them? first person to complain about my wrinkled clothes get to iron but they must supply the iron. i haven’t seen mine since the birth of my 2nd child) Everything on your face stays its original color. (what the hell was this guy smoking???) The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades (pigtails are ALWAYS popular with the men……trust me on this….word of caution. do not attempt to test this theory out with your husband/boyfriend nearby. men are unable to control the impulse to come up and pull your pigtains….yes there WAS a huge barfight after the 5th guy did it to me one night). You only have to shave your face and neck. (but you SHOULD shave bikini areas in the summer, or, if you are generation X or younger the rule is year around ) You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. (- that is just too lame to comment on. i’m actually stumped….) You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. (unfortunately) You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. (X-acto knife is so much more precise boys but you can’t borrow my mini Husky utility knife no matter how cute you think it is) You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache (ladies please tell your family that if they put you in a nursing home they are also responsible for pulling out your facial hairs – those poor ladies need someone to help them keep a LITTLE dignity – yes g’ma and mom i got you covered in the future for this and angel already knows he’s up next for me) You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. (this is not a special trick. Amazon.com direct ship. actually, last i checked, the men i know send the wives or secretaries to shop and then take the credit for the very thoughtful gift they would NEVER have picked out themselves. Yeah, I know I’m starting to get a little controversial and a LOT biased here but as long as I have free speech that doesn’t humiliated anyone in public i’ll say what I want) No wonder men are happier. (until i flirt with them in front of their wives and act like they’ve known me forever and that I didn’t know they were married…..that’ll teach the oaf that he should have let me go in front of his full cart at the checkstand with my one box of tampons and a red face—-scarlet P look) No offense to my wonderful male friends who are NOT sexist.  This is just the opposing sexist rebuttal.  It may look a little extreme but I assure you I have had experience in all the remarks I made.  I am not one to slander for attention.  I will talk really loud and annoy people on occasion though…