Bar observation using my Treo 755P and the wireless fullsize keyboard. A computer in my coat pocket. No excuse not to write now is there?

here I am in a bar again. all alone. it’s kind of peaceful that way. If I go with friends I won’t get any writing done. I’m here using my Treo 755P and my Bluetooth collapsable keyboard to travel light and write at the spur of the moment. I did complete about 200 words on my new story and then I got really bored. Writing, as a task, bores the shit out of me. I can come up with ideas but when I. have to actually start writing it’s more like a chore. So I’ve become a professional “Title
Writer”. I’ve got tons of book titles written in journals which are hidden in unknown places all around the house. I find then at the most random time and then I read the ideas and tell myself that I want to write now that I have a good idea. And then I do nothing. So here I am in a bar, all alone, pretending to write fantastic and moving novels. But if I’m honest with myself I will tell you that the keyboard is just something to hide behind so I can remain alone. Alone in my self pity (even though I know that I look pretty today) and my self loathing and my self depreciating my sense that I’m not good enough. I know, when I’m all made up with illusion and makeup and magic, people think I was or could have been a model. But nobody knows how hard the modeling industry was to crack in the early 80’s. I was told of the flaws that I didn’t know I had. So the poor self esteem I had then was sent crashing even lowerwith the new figure grossities that I was made aware of. It’s amazing to me to go to a bar and see women who are way less attractive carrying on like they were the most beautiful woman on the planet. It’s hard to comprehend. I am not, however, surprised when some model comes out and says they have a drug problem or an eating disorder or are just so depressed about their body that they want to commit suicide. you do your own math on that. don’t forget to factor in public humiliation and microscopic flaws made big by agents and photographers and the like. oh and there’s that obsession with perfection that is never up to a models standards of herself.