About me…….

If I have to complete one more “about me” section in a social network I’m going to start crying. If I start crying I will get wrinkles under my eyes and that would make me really angry and cause me to get road rage. I will have to drive my big Dodge Ram 95mph on the freeway and scare the shit out of poor, unqualified freeway drivers and cause one of them to call the CHiPs on me. Of course the CHP are always in some sneaky unmarked car so when I see them coming up the freeway in my rearview mirror (and I will because when I’m driving I’m watching all mirrors in a circular motion not unlike how a lighthouse beacon light goes around in circles) I will assume they are gangster assassins who are out to run me off the road. So a high speed chase will ensue and then the news choppers will begin the dragonfly pack coverage and one of them will get a close up of the driver(me) which I will see in real time on my smart phone, because I’m an undercover geekess like that, and that’s when I will remember that I was out all night drinking for the first time in years and I woke up in a rocketship at a neighborhood park with lipstick on my chin and my eyebrows smeared all the way up to my hairline but when I got back to my truck I had a “brainstorm” moment where I had to whip out my bluetooth portable keyboard and start blogging on my smart phone before I risked losing said “brainstorm” when I got a DM tweet from a friend inviting me to a new and exciting social network so I figured if I didn’t follow the link I would be labeled “rude”(again) and, of course there’s always an “about me” space…….you see where this is heading right? I propose a ban on all new social network startups so this doesn’t happen to YOU too…….