Creepycat’s Weblog

I’ve been moping around the house and dodging the repo and foreclosure people for nearly three months due to a severe work related illness.  All the years of bitching about being too overworked in the hospitals and then too downtrodden with motherly duties to partake in my passion for writing my way to retirement has left me with a compounded scatterbrain of swirling idea snippets ripping around like funnel clouds in my already overtaxed brain.   You try to tell me that isn’t the best excuse for run-on sentences you’ve ever heard. Even more pity party-able is the fact that it took me three months of pouting about finances and poor health to realize that I was given this fabulous gift of unopened possibilities from the universe.  I will probably lose my house in less than a year and have to buy a travel trailer and hook it to the back of my truck so I can live “rent free” by driving up and down the coast and staying in a different Rest Area every night.  I hope I am fortunate enough to be able to purchase such a lovely haven.  Maybe you are tearing up at the thought of me having to downsize so far but it really doesn’t sound that bad to me when I think about it.  I could be free to write and create art with minimal overhead and my daughter (also an artist) and I could pretend we were on vacation for a very extended period.  No bill collectors endlessly trying to trick me into answering the “unlisted” call like I might think it could actually be Ed McMahon and the Prize Patrol trying to catch me off guard.  If I don’t like the neighbors I can show them by leaving the wonderfully clever invention known as the flaming doggie-poo lunch bag on their doorstep because we will be moving the next day anyway. And all that stuff that I will never part with can sit all nice and neat in a storage room so I don’t have to worry about cleaning around the bins or moving them back and forth to get through the house.

I already feel more relaxed thinking about it.  The possibilities are endless.  Yes that is cliche but you don’t know how difficult it is for me to keep my head reined in unless you are one of the small percentage of people who REALLY suffer from ADD.  It is debilitating in so many ways.  Being a bi-brained person makes it even more tedious.  I’m constantly battling the racket from my right and left brain battling for center stage on the next brainstorm project.  Will it be mind blowing art or a Nobel Prize essay answering a question that politicians and scientists couldn’t see right in front of them for decades?

Wow!, you must be thinking.  How do you completed all that ingenious stuff you’ve thought up and still find time to be a middle class upstream swimmer with over extended credit?  THAT’S THE F*CKING PROBLEM.  For reference sake go turn on the Weather Channel to find a tornado special and look at the crap flying through the air.  Really focus on the destruction and how it made all the beautiful architecture an instant lump of un-recognition.  Now place all that stuff in my head and watch it spin but wear a helmet because random shrapnel has been know to fly out of my ears without warning causing me to get so excited that I will either break into a mini Rainman dance or throw a psychotic temper tantrum and overturn the nearest car.  It’s heartbreakingly frustrating to know that you are capable of such profound creativity but do not possess the focus required to complete even one in one hundred projects.

Over the years I’ve found myself becoming more and more easily enraged because all of the external stimulation and the internal rapid-fire thoughts rushing around my entire aura like a swarm of angry bees.  A competition of screaming demons trying to be the most distracting pest possible.  And all of those brilliant ideas I get usually announce themselves when I’m in the middle of something more important so they are way in the back of the crowd and muffled like a whisper.  These whispers taunt me when I’m trying so hard to be a grown up and to look like a normal level headed genious person.  Sometimes they taunt me so bad that I will find myself at the bottom of a freeway off-ramp with no recollection of even getting in my vehicle in the first place.   This causes the expected relaxing of all my muscles untiI I nearly pee myself and/or lose control of the foot pedals and have to pull over in a hurry.  After I’ve collected my faculties I feel compelled to celebrate beating death by purchasing a ton of supplies for six or seven art or home improvement projects.  I can’t buy things for just one project on my list of inspiration cyclones because I am obsessed with multitasking and may as well save myself a future trip or two.  I know all of this new clutter will cause more work and mental chaos for me but I haven’t been able to stop this impulsive problem.

Oops.  I almost had you and myself fooled into thinking I was doing really good here by staying on task but then I glanced up at the title and remembered what I was really planning on writing about.  I’m going to leave it as written just to drive the point a little harder.  This would be lost in the file cabinets with all the other forgotten and unfinished manuscripts if I fell for the rewrite trick again anyway.

And just for the record, because I know you’re curious, I have no medical insurance to bless me with a medication that could help quiet my head so I must rely on dangerous mega doses of caffeine, pseudoeffedrine, Claratin, sinus spray and antihistamines to obtain a good mental soothing that will allow me to get a few things ALMOST done every now and then.

This is where the ending should go but I’ve grown bored of this subject so….Oh crap I forgot about the stuff in the oven.  I gotta go take the batteries out of the smoke alarm again and air out the house.